The Pursuit of Lost Things
by ADisgraceFF
Summary: Castiel and Lysander drift apart, but they find their way back to each other. People move past regret.


They're not famous. Not even almost. There was no record deal for them, they didn't even record a demo. The offers of gigs stopped coming after they finished school and they stopped looking for them after the first four months of college. Distance made practicing hard, never mind performing.

Well, distance made everything hard. Castiel stayed local and trained to be a mechanic, Lysander moved cross-country and studied English. Like most naïve young adults they thoroughly bought into the "Best Friends Forever" sentiments and believed that no matter the obstacle, they'd make time for each other. And at first they did, one or the other would make the long commute on the train each weekend, then it became bi-monthly, then just monthly, until they didn't visit at all. Lysander never had much reason to return to Sweet Amoris; his family visits usually took place in the countryside where Leigh would drive out to meet them, and Castiel rarely left town.

Sure they had the internet, but it was never the same. So many of their interactions had been built on comfortable silences, hanging around in Castiel's living room composing music, and those moments could never be recreated online. Slowly they stopped having things and common and they could only reminisce and share the same old stories so many times. Besides, Lysander's never beem good at remembering online passwords.

By the time Lysander graduated, he and Castiel were mostly just strangers with a history and so many things left unsaid. His degree didn't take him very far either, he continued writing and a few of his poems were published in magazines, but it was nothing he could make a living off of. So he got a job in a bookshop and traded in his jabots for the boring lime and black polo shirt management required him to wear.

He doesn't hate it, as much as it doesn't fall in line with his dreams. He's not a poet, an author or lyricist in any professional capacity, but he spends his days around words and those who love them and he's grateful for it. Growing up doesn't mean having to give up on your dreams, you just have to find a way for them to coexist with everyday life, so the Victorian clothing is resigned to weekends, the writing is left until after work.

It's been three and a half years since Lysander last saw Castiel in the flesh when Leigh and Rosalya invite him to town to celebrate their engagement. In three and a half years they've only exchanged a few 'Happy Birthday's' and 'Merry Christmas'', small things like that, nothing of substance, so Lysander feels perfectly justified in wondering if things will be awkward between him and Castiel. He can't imagine they'd go back to how things were. He spends the entirety of the three hour train journey to Sweet Amoris thinking about what he'll say when they reunite, no words he comes up with seem to quell the twisting feeling in his stomach.

The engagement party takes place in a upper class restaurant in Sweet Amoris, it's newly built and wasn't there last time Lysander was in town. Many of the buildings he sees en route there are shiny, new and imposing. The skyline seems to have extended a few feet upwards and Lysander finds he barely recognises the place, the lights never twinkled in the dark like this before. Leigh's told him all about how the town has grown, how it's begun to gentrify, but it only sinks in seeing it for himself.

When Rosa spots him, she hugs him so hard he fears he may break a rib. But he is delighted to see her, it's been far too long. Once they've caught up and she's shown off her ring - which Lysander wagers cost more than his yearly pay - she takes him around the restaurant, introducing him to faces both familiar and not.

Violette, he's delighted to hear, has a few pieces showing in a local gallery. He promises to see them while he's still in town and her reaction shows she's still as humble as ever, proving to Lysander that as much as things change, so much of it stays the same.

Somewhere someone taps their glass with a spoon and instructs them to take a seat, their meals will be served soon. There's assigned seating and Lysander sets himself down where he's instructed to near the head of the table, finding that the place beside him is reserved for Castiel. Rosa says it'll give them a chance to reminisce, Lysander surely hopes so.

Castiel doesn't seem to have arrived yet and looking around the room for him, Lysander notices that neither has his parents. Drawing Leigh's attention away from his soon-to-be bride, he speaks into his ear. "Where are Mom and Dad?"

"They said it's too late for them to be out celebrating at this hour, we're having a family dinner tomorrow instead. It'll just be us and Rosa's parents. You will come, won't you?"

Lysander notes that Rosalya is already included in 'us' and smiles to himself. It's true he's thought of her as family for quite a while now. "It would be my pleasure."

Lysander motions to turn away from Leigh, but finds a hand on his arm. "One last thing. You're the obvious choice so you must have been expecting it, but I still have to ask," Leigh clears his throat, assuming the role of serious elder brother, "Will you be my best man?"

Lysander's grin clouds his eyes. "Of course I will."

"You will be expected to make a speech, I hope you're prepared."

Lysander laughs, remembering how much he loves to be home. "I think I can come up with something."

When Lysander does turn away from Leigh, he finds Castiel has arrived and is sitting beside him, taking in the menu. His hair is back to black now and it's tied up in a loose pony tail. Lysander spots a smudge of black on his wrists and wonders if the hair only goes up when he's been working or whether it's his current look. Whichever, it suits him

"So, you gonna get the beef or the chicken?"

Lysander is startled and almost jumps in his chair. "Pardon?"

"Your main course," Castiel says casually, seemingly unaware of Lysander's surprise, "Are you going to order the beef or the chicken?"

"The chicken." Lysander doesn't know how much he'll eat, the twisting feeling in his stomach seems to have returned.

Lysander tries to make conversation but it's stilted, one sided. He doesn't think there was ever a time when he was the more talkative one in their friendship. Maybe too much time has passed between them, maybe they don't have much to bond over anymore.

Conversation doesn't really start up between them until Castiel says something Lysander wishes he didn't. "Do you think they'll regret getting married so young ?"

Lysander's eyes widen and thankfully he seems to be the only one who heard. Before he gets to respond, Castiel grabs his jacket and rises from his chair. "Are you coming outside? I need to smoke."

Out on the balcony, Castiel leans forward of the railings and stares out at the darkness surrounding them. Lysander follows, he hasn't gotten a chance to see the burgeoning Sweet Amoris from a height yet. It's so different that if it weren't for the people surrounding him, he probably wouldn't recognise it as home. "Look, I probably I shouldn't have said that," Castiel says, inhaling a long drag, "I guess I've just been thinking about shit. But do you think they'll regret marrying at this age?"

Lysander sighs and turns to face Castiel. "I don't think 24 and 26 is that young, especially considering how long they've been together, and even if they're relationship doesn't last, I don't think they'd regret the times they had together."

Castiel nods, indicating he's listening while he watches the trail of smoke leave his cigarette and drift upwards out of sight. "Do have regrets Lys, or are you a _'everything happens for a reason'_ kinda guy?"

Lysander pauses, wondering what exactly Castiel is getting at, before he answers. "I don't believe everything happens for a reason, I feel that's just a coping mechanism people use to comfort themselves in harsh times. But I try live without regrets too. If I'm any type of guy at all, I suppose I'm the type who accepts the cards he's been dealt and plays on."

Lysander watches as Castiel grips tight at the balcony railing, so hard his knuckles whiten and his hands shake. "Do you regret not staying in touch?"

That twisting feeling Lysander's been feeling in his stomach starts to feel more like bursting, exploding. Whatever it is, it's taking control of him. He's missed Castiel, he's missed him so, so much. Whatever he'd planned to say to him before he got here, it all flies out the window as he contradicts himself. "You are the great regret of my life."

Castiel smiles, "Bullshit." But it's everything he wanted to hear.

Years of longing, regret, of the one who got away existing as only a memory, they all melt away the moment they embrace. Lysander's hands run through Castiel's hair, undoing his ponytail. Their hearts are beating madly, faster than they should but they pay it no mind. Castiel tastes and smells like cigarettes but Lysander's wanted this for too long to care. He's always hated the smell, but tonight adrenaline overrides every thought, every feeling. All that exists in this moment is Castiel.

But they have to pull away eventually, there's a whole party inside waiting for them and their absence will be noticed eventually. "When you go back home, think about me once in a while, will you?" Castiel says, voice muffled from holding the hair tie between his teeth as he redoes his ponytail.

Lysander doesn't see how he can ever leave again. "I've never stopped thinking about you."

"Pfft"

"Have I ever lied to you?"


End file.
